Dating Forums

[mar21182]

I'm new to this forum. I came here because I could use some advice...

Here's the situation. I dated this girl for 5 1/2 years starting from our senior year in high school and until after we both got our bachelors degrees in college. When we got together in high school, it was the first real relationship for either of us. We fell completely in love and had great great times together over the course of our relationship. She was the best friend I ever had, and I to her.

After we got our first degrees, we went on for further education. I was in pharmacy school. She was in Law School. We went to the same college, but the Law School was located 30 minutes from the pharmacy school, so we weren't constantly together like we had been for the previous 5 1/2 years. We would make time during the week for each other, but the stresses of both our schools started to weigh on us. She was struggling in school for the first time in her life. I was completely stressed out by the amount of work I had to do for my school.

Because of this stress, we started to get more distant emotionally. We had some arguments, and the intimacy and fire in our relationship just died out. I guess this all bothered her for a long time, and she decided that the only way we could hope to make things work out was to break up for a while, get our heads straight, and then recommit to each other when we're ready.

I didn't like the idea at first. I felt betrayed by her. It hit me hard, and I responded with anger. It wasn't easy on her either, as she still loved me and wanted things to work out. However, any attempt she made to reason with me on the situation was met with cynicism by me, even though I wanted nothing more than to be with her in the end.

Well, months went by, and while we weren't seeing each other romantically anymore, we were still talking on a daily basis. We'd still go out on a friendly date like once a week. Occasionally she'd send me an email saying that she still loved me and wanted things to work out, but was unsure how to get back to the way we were. This gave me hope for the future because I assumed that she always wanted to be with me.

Then a few days ago I had a long conversation with her, and she admitted to dating a few other guys over the last year (since we broke up). She even went as far to almost sleep with someone else (though she said it didn't get that far... they just made out) during this time. She had never mentioned to me that she was at a point where she was dating other people until a few days ago. We still talked. We were still friends. We still saw each other. I just didn't know she was putting herself back in the dating pool.

I haven't dated in a year because I've been set on getting back together with her. In one way, it made me feel like she was stringing me along all that time without telling me her feelings for me had changed. Secondly, I immediately realized that I might lose the love of my life to some other guy. Therefore, for the past few days I've been pretty crazy. It made me realize how important she was to me and how I didn't want to lose her. My attitude toward her changed, and I told her how much I loved her still and wanted to be with her in the end. I told her that I'm committed to making her happy, and I want to be all the things she always wanted me to be.

She basically told me that she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. She wasn't sure if she did or didn't want to be with me. She wasn't sure if she's ready for any serious relationship now. This absolutely crushed me, and I've been struggling with the next step ever since.

So that brings me to my point... what should I do? I really really love her. I miss her when she's gone. I want to be with her. I just don't know how to get there. Should I give her space to decide on her own? Should I go after her more aggressively now? I'm torn. One part of me wants to give her time to weed through her own emotions so that she can come to a decision. Another part of me wants to buy dozens of flowers, go to her, give her a big hug and kiss and tell her I love her more than anything else. I'm afraid of coming on too strong, but I'm also afraid to let her slip away by not acting.

Sorry about the looooong post, but I really need some advice on this.

[Red]

She's doesn't want to be with to you right now, so you have to move on, you can keep in touch and see if things changed, but move in, it'll help you and may make her a little jealous, so it works both ways.

[mar21182]

I don't know how to move on though. She was my other half. We were talking about marriage and kids. She was literally the love of my life. I honestly can't even look at other women now. I can't emotionally connect with anyone else. All the things I like to do were things that we did together. My favorites restaurants were ones I've only been to with her. We had all these silly little moments that I cherish that I could never have with someone else. Everything that happened in my life, she'd be the first person I'd tell. We're connected in so many ways that I can't conceive being without her.

The thing that kills me is that she says that she still loves me. She told me that despite the love, she can't see us working out. She's so busy right now and so stressed that she can't think about a relationship at the moment. I understand where she is because that's pretty much where I was like 6 months ago when she was telling me this stuff. The only difference is that we never stopped talking. I made a mistake and told her not to call me until she has some things figured out because I didn't want to be fooled into thinking there was hope when there was none. I tried to tell her that decision was a mistake, but she said I already made her think about it, so now it was too late.

If she doesn't come back to me, I really don't know what I'm going to do. Last night, I tried hanging out with some other girl I've known for years and have been pretty good friends with. We went out to a bar with a ton of her friends (all pretty attractive let me say), and I just couldn't find the will to be interested in any of them. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe time heals wounds. I don't know.

[Red]

well if you're that in love with her still, maybe you shouldn't date other people for a while. probably spend most of your time hanging with friends, and as hard as it may seem you need to cut her off and just not have contact so the emotions fade